Confidence and clothing

A few days ago, my husband linked this article to me and asked what I thought about it. You have to understand, that most articles or links he sends me are of a geeky nature, so I was initially caught off guard by this.

I read it a few times and took time (as much as I can with an almost 3 year old and a 6 month old...) to really think how I felt about this author's post.

I'm all for raising confident, independent young women. I want my girls to love their bodies and be happy with how they look. If, like the daughter in this blog, they're wanting to wear booty shorts for working out, (and they're like...16+) I have no problem with that. I was a swimmer my entire life, so the lack of cover doesn't bother me. If they wanted to wear shorts like that in public...that's where my opinions get a little hazy.

I was raised to respect myself and to make friends and relationships based on the person I was INSIDE. I never really worried about how I looked. Some of my friends did. I saw how much time they wasted trying to be perfectly acceptable to the "popular" crowds and how much money was spent on clothing to fit in. I wasn't entirely immune to that. I loved this one type of Abercrombie jeans, I BEGGED for a North Face fleece. But it didn't make me any more popular because I didn't want to change who I was.

I've seen what has happened to those who relied on their looks in high school to make friends. They are having a pretty hard time in the "real" world now. But my friends, who may not be the most popular, prettiest or handsomest people...well, we're all happy, still in touch, have a wonderful community around us.

All that being said, my husband and I had a lengthy conversation about it that night during our nightly Porch Chat. I told him I had no problem with clothing like that in an appropriate setting, but I really wanted our girls to respect themselves enough to want to form relationships based on their personalities. Those only get stronger, whereas looks change.

Now that we have daughters, he seems to have changed his tune on a lot of opinions he used to have. Four years ago, he would have argued that they should be able to wear whatever, whenever. However, now that he pays attention to how women are treated (i.e. the whole emergence of the rape culture, slut shaming, and blaming women for men's thoughts and actions) he's become cautious about the situations that our daughters could be put in. He agreed that there are appropriate times to wear things like those shorts, and times that there aren't. He also said that, should our girls want to wear something that we feel is questionable, we should have a conversation with them and ask why they want to wear it. He was all for teaching them to respect themselves and rely on personality vs appearance to form relationships with friends and/or future partners.

Unlike the mom in the article, I'm not above having a conversation with them. I think that open communication in a family is really important. I'm not going to sit down and tell them they can't do something "because I said so." I'd rather find out their reasons for wanting to do whatever I'm objecting to because they could have a perfectly reasonable explanation for why they want to do something. Perks of being raised by a father who was a family therapist. My husband and I spent the first year and a half of our relationship relying on communication to strengthen our relationship because we were long distance. We've never had an actual yelling fight. Tense discussions, yes. But we're able to rationally talk about our issues and solve them. That's how we intend to treat issues that arise with our girls.

As I look over at Lala right now, I'm not worried about her future. She is rocking purple bike shorts and her favorite Darth Vader tee. Her sister, likewise, is decked out in a Star Wars onesie because her sister demanded it. If they like boy clothes (like another so-called hot topic right now...transgender children) Great. I'm still going to love these girls. Their personalities are so fun and who cares what they look like.

I love my little Princess Darth and rolly-polly peanut.