- Gogo is now pulling herself up on EVERYTHING. The cat, her crib, etc...we've set up a baby corral to keep her contained.
- Lala has taken it upon herself to inform me what is "my job" and what isn't. She's got a few opinions on that subject.
- The development going in behind our house has 2 houses under construction and they're putting up trees today...Seems silly to plant trees after ripping out an entire forrest for 68 houses.
- I'm going to be an aunt! Again! BonBon should be here ANY day now, AND we get to look forward to Baby Ball sometime in March! So exciting!
- I painted Lala's toes for the first time yesterday. I wasn't sure how she'd like it, since she doesn't seem to love typical "girly" things (not that I care) but she saw my painted toes and wanted hers done too. She now has "dancing toes" as she'll tell you.
- Oh...I turn 28 in a few days. That's weird.
Tuesday, September 9, 2014
Life lately
Life lately has been entertaining to say the least. Here's just a snapshot of the last few days:
Thursday, September 4, 2014
You'll never know
I see you playing together.
You both look to see if I'm watching
And I am
But you'll never see
The exhaustion
The tears
The frustration
Because all you need to see
Is me.
If I smile at you
Be it through tears
Through drooping eyes
Or through gritted teeth
All you see is a smile.
The hugs you both need
Are surrounding you both
With so much love
That I hope
You can feel through
The shaking
The tightness
The looseness
Because I want to give you
All the love I have
Regardless of the tears, tiredness, tension.
I hope you'll never see
Anything but love.
You both look to see if I'm watching
And I am
But you'll never see
The exhaustion
The tears
The frustration
Because all you need to see
Is me.
If I smile at you
Be it through tears
Through drooping eyes
Or through gritted teeth
All you see is a smile.
The hugs you both need
Are surrounding you both
With so much love
That I hope
You can feel through
The shaking
The tightness
The looseness
Because I want to give you
All the love I have
Regardless of the tears, tiredness, tension.
I hope you'll never see
Anything but love.
Wednesday, September 3, 2014
Jealousy, Support, and the curse of putting yourself last
This past weekend has been one that happens every year for our little family. It's been happening since before my husband and I started dating (7 years ago...can you believe that?) This weekend was the Penny Arcade Expo here in Seattle. Or, as everyone else calls it, PAX Prime.
Why Prime? There are FOUR different shows as of this year: Prime (Seattle), East (Boston), South (Austin), and Australia. Seattle was the location of the first show 10 years ago.
The whole show is supposed to be FOR Gamers, BY Gamers. There are video game developers, board games, handheld consoles, PC gaming....everything. It's family friendly and there's always lots to do! People usually do Cosplay (dress as characters from games) and there are those who go ALL out. Lala has dressed up as R2Tutu and this year as Navi (from the Zelda games). You can find out more about it HERE.
These Expos sell out in MINUTES. I'm not even kidding. This year, the badges for all four days of PAX Prime sold out in 40 minutes. The whole show was sold out in just 24 hours. For reference, the show will see about 80k people over those 4 days....so that's FAST.
To run a convention that will see that many people in 4 days, they need an excellent crew of people to help out. This is where the Enforcers come in. These are about 750 people who volunteer their time to help the show run smoothly. They're not paid. They take time away from their families, from work, from actually getting to experience the show, so that everything runs well.
Hubs is the head of the Line Management division of these Enforcers. (That was quite the set up needed to get here...sorry about that). These dedicated people are in charge of ALL the lines for the entire show. The line to get into the show in the morning? Yep. The one for that booth giving stuff away? You betcha. The various demos going on? Yes indeedy. The ones for the concerts and panels and signings? Oh yeah. So....all these lines that all these people get into, Hubs is in charge of them all. He gets up at about 4:45am and gets home after midnight. The man can run on no sleep, so he's fine. He loves it.
With him gone all day for the four days of the show PLUS two more (set up and tear down), I'm basically a single mom. When I was pregnant, I was still working, so it was fine. When Lala was almost 1, totally doable. Last year, it was fun to see him showing his little R2 off. This year....this year was HARD.
Gogo learned how to crawl, pull herself up on EVERYTHING, is teething AND got a minor ear ache. Lala decided not to sleep if her poppa wasn't here. It was stressful, and tiring. I have great respect for single parents, but I have even more if they have more than one kid now.
Through all of this, and with the added bonus of depression, I was a mess. I tried to keep it in as best I could so that Hubs felt supported and encouraged to keep doing what he loved. However, the green-eyed monster reared it's ugly head by yesterday.
I don't envy him the show. He works hard. Everyone tells me how much he's appreciated and admired. No....what I envy is the escape. The hours away from things he "has" to do and getting to do all the things he loves to do instead. I envy the After Party, the groups of friends he gets to hang out with during the show, the building friendships, the GETTING TO DO WHAT HE LOVES.
I love being a mom. I love my girls...but there are times I get so burned out. This is one of those times.
Top all this off with him telling me that the head of the entire show needs him to go to the one in Australia again....I lost it. I was beyond jealous. I was straight out envious. I still am. He'll be gone a week. Getting to go to Australia. He'll miss Gogo's first Halloween. He's getting to go away.
I haven't gotten a "get-on-a-plane" vacation since I was pregnant with Lala.
Everyone else has gotten away several times since then. Even Hubs.
I want to let jealousy take over. I want to throw a tantrum that rivals one of Lala's. I want to scream about how unfair this is.
But I won't.
I'll smile. I'll say "how wonderful it is to be needed so badly." I'll support him. I'll look at my girls who need ME so badly.
I'll put myself last again.
Ah, to be a mom.
Why Prime? There are FOUR different shows as of this year: Prime (Seattle), East (Boston), South (Austin), and Australia. Seattle was the location of the first show 10 years ago.
The whole show is supposed to be FOR Gamers, BY Gamers. There are video game developers, board games, handheld consoles, PC gaming....everything. It's family friendly and there's always lots to do! People usually do Cosplay (dress as characters from games) and there are those who go ALL out. Lala has dressed up as R2Tutu and this year as Navi (from the Zelda games). You can find out more about it HERE.
These Expos sell out in MINUTES. I'm not even kidding. This year, the badges for all four days of PAX Prime sold out in 40 minutes. The whole show was sold out in just 24 hours. For reference, the show will see about 80k people over those 4 days....so that's FAST.
To run a convention that will see that many people in 4 days, they need an excellent crew of people to help out. This is where the Enforcers come in. These are about 750 people who volunteer their time to help the show run smoothly. They're not paid. They take time away from their families, from work, from actually getting to experience the show, so that everything runs well.
Hubs is the head of the Line Management division of these Enforcers. (That was quite the set up needed to get here...sorry about that). These dedicated people are in charge of ALL the lines for the entire show. The line to get into the show in the morning? Yep. The one for that booth giving stuff away? You betcha. The various demos going on? Yes indeedy. The ones for the concerts and panels and signings? Oh yeah. So....all these lines that all these people get into, Hubs is in charge of them all. He gets up at about 4:45am and gets home after midnight. The man can run on no sleep, so he's fine. He loves it.
With him gone all day for the four days of the show PLUS two more (set up and tear down), I'm basically a single mom. When I was pregnant, I was still working, so it was fine. When Lala was almost 1, totally doable. Last year, it was fun to see him showing his little R2 off. This year....this year was HARD.
Gogo learned how to crawl, pull herself up on EVERYTHING, is teething AND got a minor ear ache. Lala decided not to sleep if her poppa wasn't here. It was stressful, and tiring. I have great respect for single parents, but I have even more if they have more than one kid now.
Through all of this, and with the added bonus of depression, I was a mess. I tried to keep it in as best I could so that Hubs felt supported and encouraged to keep doing what he loved. However, the green-eyed monster reared it's ugly head by yesterday.
I don't envy him the show. He works hard. Everyone tells me how much he's appreciated and admired. No....what I envy is the escape. The hours away from things he "has" to do and getting to do all the things he loves to do instead. I envy the After Party, the groups of friends he gets to hang out with during the show, the building friendships, the GETTING TO DO WHAT HE LOVES.
I love being a mom. I love my girls...but there are times I get so burned out. This is one of those times.
Top all this off with him telling me that the head of the entire show needs him to go to the one in Australia again....I lost it. I was beyond jealous. I was straight out envious. I still am. He'll be gone a week. Getting to go to Australia. He'll miss Gogo's first Halloween. He's getting to go away.
I haven't gotten a "get-on-a-plane" vacation since I was pregnant with Lala.
Everyone else has gotten away several times since then. Even Hubs.
I want to let jealousy take over. I want to throw a tantrum that rivals one of Lala's. I want to scream about how unfair this is.
But I won't.
I'll smile. I'll say "how wonderful it is to be needed so badly." I'll support him. I'll look at my girls who need ME so badly.
I'll put myself last again.
Ah, to be a mom.
Friday, August 1, 2014
"Boy" things and "Girl" things....who cares?!
For anyone who knows Lala, the first thing you notice is her bubbly personality, followed closely by her rough and tumble attitude. Though she's not even 3 yet, some may call her a Tom Boy.
She won't hesitate to tell you that she loves Darth Vader ("He's my best friend, momma."), Minions, and soccer. However, she also loves wearing tutus (especially with her Darth Vader pajamas), dancing up a storm saying she's a ballerina, My Little Ponies (my original ones from my childhood!) and, like every other little kid right now, Frozen. True, her favorite character is Marshmallow, the giant monster snowman, but she still loves the movie.
The other day, I had her and her sister at the store with me. While rocking pigtails, Lala had demanded to wear her new Minion tee that I got her from Target. Sure it was from the boy's department, but who cares. We were walking around, and a lady at the meat counter stopped me and started this conversation:
"Why does your little boy have pigtails?"
"....because she's my daughter?" (one of our favorite meat guys, who had been helping me, gave me the 'did she really just say that?!' look)
"Oh. Well, I couldn't tell. My son has the same shirt."
She huffed off after that, leaving both the meat guy and myself starring after her in disbelief. He looked at me and said, "There's no way she looks like a boy. She's all girl!"
...I HATE that people feel like there absolutely has to be different genders for everything. Lots of Lala's clothes have come from the so-called "boy" department but who am I to tell her what she can and can't wear? Part of this relates to my last post. As long as she is happy, and is confident in how she looks, why should I push her away from something she likes because it's "not for girls"?
Thankfully, our families have supported us in giving our girls a wide range of things to play with. They have books about princesses and construction sites. Cars, trains and castles to play with. They encourage anything that they show interest in and don't put a gender on anything.
I'm not sure how this will play out in their future, but for right now, all I see are two happy girls rolling all over the living room floor, without a care in the world.
If you have an opinion about how someone should be dressing their kid/indulging their toy requests (ie girl wanting hot wheels/boy wanting barbies)....please keep your opinions to yourself. They're not your kids to raise. There's enough challenges for kids these days and they don't need judgement. They just need love and acceptance.
She won't hesitate to tell you that she loves Darth Vader ("He's my best friend, momma."), Minions, and soccer. However, she also loves wearing tutus (especially with her Darth Vader pajamas), dancing up a storm saying she's a ballerina, My Little Ponies (my original ones from my childhood!) and, like every other little kid right now, Frozen. True, her favorite character is Marshmallow, the giant monster snowman, but she still loves the movie.
The other day, I had her and her sister at the store with me. While rocking pigtails, Lala had demanded to wear her new Minion tee that I got her from Target. Sure it was from the boy's department, but who cares. We were walking around, and a lady at the meat counter stopped me and started this conversation:
"Why does your little boy have pigtails?"
"....because she's my daughter?" (one of our favorite meat guys, who had been helping me, gave me the 'did she really just say that?!' look)
"Oh. Well, I couldn't tell. My son has the same shirt."
She huffed off after that, leaving both the meat guy and myself starring after her in disbelief. He looked at me and said, "There's no way she looks like a boy. She's all girl!"
...I HATE that people feel like there absolutely has to be different genders for everything. Lots of Lala's clothes have come from the so-called "boy" department but who am I to tell her what she can and can't wear? Part of this relates to my last post. As long as she is happy, and is confident in how she looks, why should I push her away from something she likes because it's "not for girls"?
Thankfully, our families have supported us in giving our girls a wide range of things to play with. They have books about princesses and construction sites. Cars, trains and castles to play with. They encourage anything that they show interest in and don't put a gender on anything.
I'm not sure how this will play out in their future, but for right now, all I see are two happy girls rolling all over the living room floor, without a care in the world.
If you have an opinion about how someone should be dressing their kid/indulging their toy requests (ie girl wanting hot wheels/boy wanting barbies)....please keep your opinions to yourself. They're not your kids to raise. There's enough challenges for kids these days and they don't need judgement. They just need love and acceptance.
Wednesday, July 16, 2014
Confidence and clothing
A few days ago, my husband linked this article to me and asked what I thought about it. You have to understand, that most articles or links he sends me are of a geeky nature, so I was initially caught off guard by this.
I read it a few times and took time (as much as I can with an almost 3 year old and a 6 month old...) to really think how I felt about this author's post.
I'm all for raising confident, independent young women. I want my girls to love their bodies and be happy with how they look. If, like the daughter in this blog, they're wanting to wear booty shorts for working out, (and they're like...16+) I have no problem with that. I was a swimmer my entire life, so the lack of cover doesn't bother me. If they wanted to wear shorts like that in public...that's where my opinions get a little hazy.
I was raised to respect myself and to make friends and relationships based on the person I was INSIDE. I never really worried about how I looked. Some of my friends did. I saw how much time they wasted trying to be perfectly acceptable to the "popular" crowds and how much money was spent on clothing to fit in. I wasn't entirely immune to that. I loved this one type of Abercrombie jeans, I BEGGED for a North Face fleece. But it didn't make me any more popular because I didn't want to change who I was.
I've seen what has happened to those who relied on their looks in high school to make friends. They are having a pretty hard time in the "real" world now. But my friends, who may not be the most popular, prettiest or handsomest people...well, we're all happy, still in touch, have a wonderful community around us.
All that being said, my husband and I had a lengthy conversation about it that night during our nightly Porch Chat. I told him I had no problem with clothing like that in an appropriate setting, but I really wanted our girls to respect themselves enough to want to form relationships based on their personalities. Those only get stronger, whereas looks change.
Now that we have daughters, he seems to have changed his tune on a lot of opinions he used to have. Four years ago, he would have argued that they should be able to wear whatever, whenever. However, now that he pays attention to how women are treated (i.e. the whole emergence of the rape culture, slut shaming, and blaming women for men's thoughts and actions) he's become cautious about the situations that our daughters could be put in. He agreed that there are appropriate times to wear things like those shorts, and times that there aren't. He also said that, should our girls want to wear something that we feel is questionable, we should have a conversation with them and ask why they want to wear it. He was all for teaching them to respect themselves and rely on personality vs appearance to form relationships with friends and/or future partners.
Unlike the mom in the article, I'm not above having a conversation with them. I think that open communication in a family is really important. I'm not going to sit down and tell them they can't do something "because I said so." I'd rather find out their reasons for wanting to do whatever I'm objecting to because they could have a perfectly reasonable explanation for why they want to do something. Perks of being raised by a father who was a family therapist. My husband and I spent the first year and a half of our relationship relying on communication to strengthen our relationship because we were long distance. We've never had an actual yelling fight. Tense discussions, yes. But we're able to rationally talk about our issues and solve them. That's how we intend to treat issues that arise with our girls.
As I look over at Lala right now, I'm not worried about her future. She is rocking purple bike shorts and her favorite Darth Vader tee. Her sister, likewise, is decked out in a Star Wars onesie because her sister demanded it. If they like boy clothes (like another so-called hot topic right now...transgender children) Great. I'm still going to love these girls. Their personalities are so fun and who cares what they look like.
I love my little Princess Darth and rolly-polly peanut.
I read it a few times and took time (as much as I can with an almost 3 year old and a 6 month old...) to really think how I felt about this author's post.
I'm all for raising confident, independent young women. I want my girls to love their bodies and be happy with how they look. If, like the daughter in this blog, they're wanting to wear booty shorts for working out, (and they're like...16+) I have no problem with that. I was a swimmer my entire life, so the lack of cover doesn't bother me. If they wanted to wear shorts like that in public...that's where my opinions get a little hazy.
I was raised to respect myself and to make friends and relationships based on the person I was INSIDE. I never really worried about how I looked. Some of my friends did. I saw how much time they wasted trying to be perfectly acceptable to the "popular" crowds and how much money was spent on clothing to fit in. I wasn't entirely immune to that. I loved this one type of Abercrombie jeans, I BEGGED for a North Face fleece. But it didn't make me any more popular because I didn't want to change who I was.
I've seen what has happened to those who relied on their looks in high school to make friends. They are having a pretty hard time in the "real" world now. But my friends, who may not be the most popular, prettiest or handsomest people...well, we're all happy, still in touch, have a wonderful community around us.
All that being said, my husband and I had a lengthy conversation about it that night during our nightly Porch Chat. I told him I had no problem with clothing like that in an appropriate setting, but I really wanted our girls to respect themselves enough to want to form relationships based on their personalities. Those only get stronger, whereas looks change.
Now that we have daughters, he seems to have changed his tune on a lot of opinions he used to have. Four years ago, he would have argued that they should be able to wear whatever, whenever. However, now that he pays attention to how women are treated (i.e. the whole emergence of the rape culture, slut shaming, and blaming women for men's thoughts and actions) he's become cautious about the situations that our daughters could be put in. He agreed that there are appropriate times to wear things like those shorts, and times that there aren't. He also said that, should our girls want to wear something that we feel is questionable, we should have a conversation with them and ask why they want to wear it. He was all for teaching them to respect themselves and rely on personality vs appearance to form relationships with friends and/or future partners.
Unlike the mom in the article, I'm not above having a conversation with them. I think that open communication in a family is really important. I'm not going to sit down and tell them they can't do something "because I said so." I'd rather find out their reasons for wanting to do whatever I'm objecting to because they could have a perfectly reasonable explanation for why they want to do something. Perks of being raised by a father who was a family therapist. My husband and I spent the first year and a half of our relationship relying on communication to strengthen our relationship because we were long distance. We've never had an actual yelling fight. Tense discussions, yes. But we're able to rationally talk about our issues and solve them. That's how we intend to treat issues that arise with our girls.
As I look over at Lala right now, I'm not worried about her future. She is rocking purple bike shorts and her favorite Darth Vader tee. Her sister, likewise, is decked out in a Star Wars onesie because her sister demanded it. If they like boy clothes (like another so-called hot topic right now...transgender children) Great. I'm still going to love these girls. Their personalities are so fun and who cares what they look like.
I love my little Princess Darth and rolly-polly peanut.
Thursday, July 10, 2014
Fearless
Lala is absolutely fearless. She falls and doesn't cry...instead yells "YELLOW CARD!!!" She is covered in bruises from jumping off and onto anything around her. She laughs at Jabba the Hutt, and will tell you that Darth Vader is her favorite character.
She's only two and a half, but already I worry about the world around her forcing her to believe that she should be afraid. She's female therefore she's weak. She can't do things like the boys because she's NOT a boy. Certain passions of hers could be snatched away because she "shouldn't" like them.
Screw anyone who thinks that.
My daughter is fearless. I intend to keep her that way.
I will encourage her and her sister to do anything they are passionate about.
I will let them scrape their knees, fail at things, and fall down.
I will let them learn.
Because why should we tell a child to be fearful of the world they feel fearless in?
My daughter is fearless. And I love her for it.
She's only two and a half, but already I worry about the world around her forcing her to believe that she should be afraid. She's female therefore she's weak. She can't do things like the boys because she's NOT a boy. Certain passions of hers could be snatched away because she "shouldn't" like them.
Screw anyone who thinks that.
My daughter is fearless. I intend to keep her that way.
I will encourage her and her sister to do anything they are passionate about.
I will let them scrape their knees, fail at things, and fall down.
I will let them learn.
Because why should we tell a child to be fearful of the world they feel fearless in?
My daughter is fearless. And I love her for it.
Monday, June 2, 2014
It had to be blueberries
Lala was sick for the first time last night. I won't go into details, but I now need to figure out how to get blueberries out of the carpet.
In true form, she's back to her usual bouncy, energetic self. Running around, trying to wake up her sister, demanding "Snowman"...aka Frozen. I think she had too much sugar yesterday.
Oh yesterday....
Our day started at 5:30am, getting everyone up and ready to go downtown. Auntie EhEh was diagnosed with Breast Cancer last year and we were all doing a walk to celebrate the end of her cancer journey! She looked fantastic!
Lala, Cocoba and a friend all had matching outfits I made. Little pink shirts that said "My Mommy/Auntie is a super hero!" and capes on the back with "SUPER EHEH/MOMMY"....and pink tutus. Nothing is complete with out a tutu-dress (as Lala calls them). It was so fun to see all the girls running around with their capes flapping in the early morning! Not to be left out, Gogo had a tutu too...but she was snugged up in the Ergo the whole race. It was only at the end I realized her diaper had failed spectacularly and she and I were both covered in pee. Awesome. Lala ate a donut during the race, got to say hi to Darth Vader (her current favorite person) who blew her kisses and played peekaboo....
Thankfully, after the eventful morning, she crashed hard for a nap. Then we were ready to go again at 2:30 for cousin Bug's 4th birthday! There, after playing with water balloons, chasing the older kids around and eating her weight in pirates booty and chocolate coins...she devoured a chocolate chocolate cupcake. Gogo just hung out in her amazing parrot costume and wooed everyone.
After dinner, Lala had a complete and spectacular meltdown. Screaming like I've never heard and knocking her gate down over and over. She finally passed out. Too much stimulation and way too much junk food that she normally doesn't get....it happens.
I felt so horrible when I got her up this morning and noticed that she had been so sick. She didn't yell or cry to wake me or my husband up! Thankfully she's not running a fever. A lazy day at home is in order for today.
In true form, she's back to her usual bouncy, energetic self. Running around, trying to wake up her sister, demanding "Snowman"...aka Frozen. I think she had too much sugar yesterday.
Oh yesterday....
Our day started at 5:30am, getting everyone up and ready to go downtown. Auntie EhEh was diagnosed with Breast Cancer last year and we were all doing a walk to celebrate the end of her cancer journey! She looked fantastic!
Lala, Cocoba and a friend all had matching outfits I made. Little pink shirts that said "My Mommy/Auntie is a super hero!" and capes on the back with "SUPER EHEH/MOMMY"....and pink tutus. Nothing is complete with out a tutu-dress (as Lala calls them). It was so fun to see all the girls running around with their capes flapping in the early morning! Not to be left out, Gogo had a tutu too...but she was snugged up in the Ergo the whole race. It was only at the end I realized her diaper had failed spectacularly and she and I were both covered in pee. Awesome. Lala ate a donut during the race, got to say hi to Darth Vader (her current favorite person) who blew her kisses and played peekaboo....
Thankfully, after the eventful morning, she crashed hard for a nap. Then we were ready to go again at 2:30 for cousin Bug's 4th birthday! There, after playing with water balloons, chasing the older kids around and eating her weight in pirates booty and chocolate coins...she devoured a chocolate chocolate cupcake. Gogo just hung out in her amazing parrot costume and wooed everyone.
After dinner, Lala had a complete and spectacular meltdown. Screaming like I've never heard and knocking her gate down over and over. She finally passed out. Too much stimulation and way too much junk food that she normally doesn't get....it happens.
I felt so horrible when I got her up this morning and noticed that she had been so sick. She didn't yell or cry to wake me or my husband up! Thankfully she's not running a fever. A lazy day at home is in order for today.
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